David de Souza

'How to Talk to Anyone' - 80/20 Summary

2020-10-12 · first published on 8020.co

• Amazon: Link
• Score: 6/10
• Category: Questioning
• Mental Models: Curiosity Instinct, Ego, First Conclusion Bias, Liking, Mise-en-place, Newton's 3rd Law: Action & Reaction, Pareto Principle, Relativity, Vividness Bias

Mental Models from the book:

'How to Talk to Anyone' can be summarised into 9 mental models:

1. Curiosity Instinct

• When you introduce someone, add some hooks (such as a hobby or something interesting the person has done).

2. Ego

• "You" is a powerful word and has many benefits including:

1. It is cognitively easier for a person to process as they do not need to translate it from your perspective into theirs. They do not need to translate "Can I take Monday off" into "Can I do without this employee on Monday?
2. Including "you" in a sentence triggers a person's pride response.

3. Adding "you" to a compliment will amplify it. "I like your suit" doesn't sound as good as "I think you look good in that suit". - Use "You" to persuade:

4. Instead of saying: "It is important that...." persuade them by saying: "You'll see the importance of

5. Instead of saying: "The results will be..." tell them: "You'll see the results when you....."
6. Instead of saying: "I can't find the train station' ask them: "Do you know the way to the train station?"

3. First Conclusion Bias

• The way you look and the way you move will impact 80% of a person's first impression of you. Have:

1. Good posture
2. A confident smile
3. A direct gaze
4. Eye contact - 'Just as the first glimpse should please their eyes, your first utterance should delight their ears'.

4. Liking

• When you act as if you like someone you start to really like them.
• The way to get someone to like you is to show them that you like them.

5. Mise-en-place

• It is guaranteed that someone will ask you: "Where are you from?" or "What do you do?". Prepare your response; add some hooks or a story to give the person something to work with.

6. Newton's 3rd Law: Action & Reaction

• Listen for the subtle words, references, or phrases that people mention, it is likely they want to talk about those things.

7. Pareto Principle

• You only need to know 50 words to have a respected vocabulary. Look up common words that you often use and find a more captivating word to use instead.

8. Relativity

• Put people at ease by: Showing them you are similar and that you think they are OK.

9. Vividness Bias

• Wear something different or remarkable to make it easier for people to start a conversation with you.

Mental Model Mind Maps

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